There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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