she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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