I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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