i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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