3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
