Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
