so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
