I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
