I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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