i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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