His hands were made for my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
