9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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