My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
