11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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