I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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