I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
