Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
