he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
