I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
