I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
