Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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