it wasn't lemon gatorade
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
