Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
