so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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