At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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