Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
