i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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