This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
