cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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