so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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