I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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