Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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