If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
