u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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