Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
