I wanna bring you to show and tell
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
