So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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