I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
