So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
