Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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