OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Two words: nipple clamps
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