is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
