True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
