Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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