we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We got so high we made milksteak
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
