I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
