So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
