Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
