this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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