I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
