My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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