and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love having hate sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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