I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize