So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
