So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
