When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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