This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i now understand why vodka
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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