So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
