My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize