you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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