Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
