I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
smell my finger.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
