She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
