Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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