your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
