On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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