but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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