I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
