just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
