my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
