So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
