so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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